At the beginning of 2018, my father was diagnosed with a lung infection but this was just the beginning of multiple other admissions.
Soon after, we also discovered the severity of my father’s illness. His kidney was not functioning well thus causing repeated infections.
The doctor warned us that if his condition continued to persist, he would require dialysis sooner than expected.
My worries magnified with this sudden news. I felt overwhelmed and tired that I would hide in a corner to cry.
During that time, the sermon spoke to me. It mentioned that
Anxiety comes from the need to control our lives, and that need to control our lives comes from an orphan mentality.
It was exactly how I felt during that period! Even though I had a family, I felt alone because they were so occupied with their work. On top of that, I felt the need to take the responsibility of caring for my father on my own.
Through that sermon, I realised that I was taking on a responsibility that was not mine to carry in the first place.
My role was just to do what I can, and trust God with what is beyond my control.
In all my worries, I had forgotten that God is a loving Father who will take care of me. I had lost sight of the fact that God takes better care of my family members than I do.
However, right after God spoke to me through the sermon, my dad was admitted into the hospital again. I immediately started to worry, and negative thoughts swarmed my mind.
But this time round, I decided to cast my cares and worries to God. I did not exactly know how I should do that, so I decided to go for a walk. In the midst of doing so, a song came to my mind "Give me Faith” by Elevation Worship, so I began worshiping God with that song.
As I sang, God began to show me His promises for me.
When I heard that line, I realised just how weak I really am, and how much I needed God to be in control of my life. I also understood that God is indeed in control of every circumstance in my life.
God also reminded me of the verse in Joshua 1:9 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
That day, I understood that because God walks with me personally, I had no more reason to fear.
In one of the recent Truth Detox sermon, Pastor Daniel Cheo said
“worrying does not make our lives better; it amplifies our problem out of proportion.”
Now, I understand that principle. Because my belief about my identity in God was changed, my response to my situation changed as well.
Instead of looking at the big problems of life, I have learnt to look at our big God.
During Radical Conference in June this year, God also revealed another area of worry that I had. When Pastor Sam Monk shared about worry as one of the dogs in our lives that will hound us, God revealed to me that my worries have been holding me back from sharing my faith with my family.
I decided to be obedient to God and eventually talked to my dad about it. I also shared about all the things that God had been doing in my life since I became a Christian. To my surprise, instead of reacting angrily, my dad simply acknowledged the changes in my life.
God is just so faithful! Even when I felt lost and broken, He was my strength and reassured me that He was in control, no matter how bad the situation seemed.
He broke my unhealthy cycle of worrying, and taught me how to cast my burdens on Him instead. Every time I choose to worship God instead of worrying, He fills me with His grace and strength!
It is exactly as the Bible has promised in Philippians 4:6-7, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Now, even though my dad has renal failure and has to go through dialysis very frequently, I have peace, because I know that God is in control and He will provide for me and my family.
Through all of this, I’ve come to understand that when Jesus said in the Bible to not worry, it is not merely a suggestion; it is a command from God. When we worry, we are saying to God that we don’t trust His power and promises.
Peace cannot be dependent on our circumstances. Like what Pastor Daniel Cheo shared in the recent sermon about worry, while Daniel in the Bible had peace in the lion’s den, King Darius was worrying in the palace. No matter where we are, we will have peace when we choose to worship God in the midst of our uncertainties.