So, Mother’s Day is coming up. A few weeks ago, we looked around us and thought “hey, let’s speak to a young millennial mum and find out how she finds motherhood!”
Maybe you’re a young mum yourself looking to be understood, or you dream to be a mother one day and want to get a glimpse of what it's like, or you have friends who are moving into this phase and you want to understand them better.
No matter where you’re at, we hope you enjoy this simple interview with Sandy Ching.
Producer: When you were young, what did you want to be?
Sandy: Actually when I was a young girl, I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. But during one of the Radical Conferences I attended, I remember God speaking to me about being a mother to the motherless. I never really saw myself as a mother before, but over the years I believe God changed my heart and eventually it became my personal dream to become a mother. Along the way I also realized that even the people that I started caring for in my life group were individuals who had a missing mother figure in their lives.
Producer: So now you are married and have Judah (14 months) and incoming (Levi), congratulations! How many more to go?
Sandy: Before I had Judah, I wanted to have two of my own kids and then adopt a couple more. But having Judah made me realise how much I enjoy being a mother. Now I would like to give birth to four kids. I also hope to adopt another two to three, so altogether six to seven!
Producer: Wow that’s a big family! What does Max think?
Sandy: Max says “see how” haha. Even in our dating days, Max and I already started talking about having kids, adoption and raising a big family. It actually takes a lot of planning, especially in our finances, to make this dream a reality. We are taking it a step at a time, as Max says “see how”, we’re prudently saving money and also praying for God’s providence.
Producer: Talk us through a typical day in your life
Sandy: I usually wake up at about 5.30am, do my daily devotion, wash up and then wait for Judah to wake up. At about 8.30am I bring Judah for breakfast and a grocery run outside. When we come home, he takes his first nap at 10am and that’s when I start working.
At 1130am I start preparing lunch for him. Once he wakes up from his nap, I feed him, let him have 15 mins of TV time, shower him, play with him and then let him take his second nap at about 3pm. Whenever Judah naps, mummy gets to work.
I work until 6pm, and that’s when I start to prepare for dinner. Judah wakes up, I will take him out for a walk, we come home to dinner. When Max comes home at about 7pm, he plays with Judah, we do reading time together before putting him to bed. That’s when Max and I get to wind down, I’ll do some prenatal exercises, we spend time catching up with one another and then go to sleep by 10pm.
Producer: Judah popped out in Feb 2020, what was it like raising a baby during the pandemic?
Sandy: As a first time mum, that transition was difficult for me. Besides learning to take care of a baby and the whole lack of sleep thing, it also got lonely, I felt cut off from social life. It’s a natural thing that mums go through, looking at Instagram and seeing people go out and enjoy their lives. That was in February and March when covid-19 started creeping into Singapore. Subsequently, circuit breaker happened and everyone had to stay at home anyway! Overtime, I also learned to adapt to this new lifestyle.
Producer: What is something you wish you knew before becoming a mum?
Sandy: I wish I was prepared for a transition in my relationship with Max. Things that we used to be able to turn a blind eye to, suddenly were differences that became very pronounced in the context of parenthood. So for example, both of us have very different working styles. I like to do things immediately, Max likes to do things at his own time. As a married couple, this wasn’t an issue for us. But now that we are parents to Judah, we have 1000 little tasks to accomplish each day, we have to do things immediately and fast. So Max and I had to adjust.
Another example is that as a business owner, Max works beyond the 9 to 5. He is on-the-go a lot. It’s not like he can just take paternity leave like a regular employee and stay at home with me. So as a first time parent, I found myself at home with this adorable helpless baby a lot. It is the biggest challenge I’ve had so far, all mothers would agree. Many times I didn’t know what to do too but I had to figure it out on my own. It was difficult without Max around during those times, but I know he was always trying his best for us. So we had to work through all these things and keep communicating as we transited into parenthood.
Producer: Somemore it was during covid! Max must also have had his fair share of challenges on the business front?
Sandy: Yes, initially it was very difficult. During circuit breaker, his business took a hit, but we chose to pray and depend on God. Especially since I work for Max, if anything happens to the business, both of us are affected at the same time. However, things took a turn after the lockdown. There was an influx of business and we were so busy! We were growing a lot. So during covid-19, our business expanded. We even got new units, new people to come on board and new vehicles to run our business. Max even won an NEA award and was featured in one of their videos!
Producer: How has your relationship with God shaped this season of your life?
Sandy: I can understand the father heart of God much better now. There are many times, while looking after Judah, when God will speak to me about His love for me. I realized that if I, as an imperfect person, can love Judah this much, God definitely can love me way way more and give me way more than I can ever give to my own child.
I also consider myself very fortunate to have built a strong foundation in my relationship with God in my growing up years. For example, I understand the power of words spoken over lives and so I make an effort to be careful about the things I say to Judah, whether he understands me now or not. I don't want my son to go up on stage next time to share praise report and say my mother said this and I’ve carried this label my whole life. I want to be able to build him up with the things I say to him and over him.
Also, as a mother, sometimes I feel lonely in this journey, but it is the word of God that grounds me. I know I can turn to God and He will shoulder my burdens. I am carrying Levi now and in pregnancy sometimes my emotions can be a rollercoaster, but I know God is there for me and that gives me peace.
Producer: What would you say to someone who also wants to be a mum in the future?
Sandy: You need to have your own relationship with God. Build your own faith. Don't just depend on your husband, don’t depend on his faith. A marriage is strong when both of you center your lives on God, seek God individually for every important decision that you have to make, and then come together and discuss.
Producer's note:
Thank you Sandy for sharing a piece of your life with us, we can't wait to see Levi in July! To all mothers, Happy Mothers' Day, you're amazing.
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To the rest of you, know someone interesting we can feature? Comment below and let us know.