Growing up, I wasn’t close to my family nor did I have many friends. So, I often spent time being a coach potato as life felt lonely and had no meaning.
To fill this void in my heart, I learnt skating and made some new friends through it. However, those good moments didn’t last very long, and ultimately, my results were affected.
I often stared out of the window and wondered:
“Why do I even exist? ” This is one of life’s greatest questions, and I’m sure many of us would have thought about it too.
In December of 2016, my friend Janelle invited me to my first ever Impact Life service.
I was so amazed by the way they loved and accepted me just the way I was!
A month later, I received Jesus into my life as felt complete peace and joy without having to work for it.
Although I started to have a relationship with Jesus, my mind was still filled with negative thoughts such as "I’m not good enough to be a Christian" or, "I don’t deserve to be loved".
At that time, I didn't fully understand the grace and mercy God had extended to me.
Slowly, a sense of worthlessness overwhelms me as I entertained the lying voices in my head. Eventually, being consumed by condemnation, I left the very place I found hope from.
Isn't it so scary how we can allow the enemy to rob and destroy us?
Yet no matter how far I ran, God kept pursuing after me!
The Holy Spirit spoke clearly to me, "Chak, come to me just as you are, you are saved by my grace, not by your works."
That very night, the scales fell off my eyes, chains that held me so tightly were broken in that instant as God’s love overwhelmed my heart. The lie of condemnation over my life was finally broken.
Romans 8:37-39 says, "Nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord".
I was finally convinced that I was in right standing with God, despite all that I had ever done.
God loves me not because I deserve it, but because He is so great and loves His children.
It’s funny how I tried to fight condemnation in my own strength, but all it took was the Holy Spirit speaking to me through God's Word to set me free. I simply could not have arrived at this conclusion on my own.
But of course, God was not done with me yet. There were still many things in me that needed fixing.
One of these things was the fear of man as rejection was too great a pain to bear. It crippled me to an extent that I didn't even dare to express myself about the smallest things. For example, I hate the taste of peanut butter, but would forced myself to consume YaKun set F, which has peanut butter in it. In order not to rock the boat, I kept the lie and ate peanut butter for one whole year.
This fear also crippled my performance at work. Working as an engineer, there are many rules and regulations as well as endless defects and maintenance works to adhere.
Last year, my department had a new chief who was hot-tempered. Being fearful, I began making mistakes at work and harboured bitterness towards him. Slowly, I lost the passion for my job and my performance dipped.
Earlier this year, I committed a huge mistake at work, where I didn't realised it till 8 hours later.
The Holy Spirit told me to admit my mistakes to my chief, instead, I lied to him and covered the truth.
I grieved in my heart because I knew I had sinned. The Holy Spirit had warned me, but I allowed my fear to dictate my actions.
Eventually, my chief found out the truth. As a consequence for my actions, I would not be promoted this year.
The worst thing about sin is that it distorts your perspective of God.
I began wondering why a good and loving God would allow such a horrible thing to happen.
At that time, Pastor Daniel was preaching the Truth Detox series on the Power of Words.
During the sermon I heard the verse in Proverbs 6:16-19
"These six things the Lord hates,
Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:
A proud look,
A lying tongue,
Hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that are swift in running to evil,
A false witness who speaks lies,
And one who sows discord among brethren."
Two out of seven were a lying tongue and a false witness who speaks lies.
Immediately, I was convicted that I should not be lying, not even ‘white’ lies. All lies are from the devil, the Father of lies, and as a child of God, that was not how I was called to live!
As the Holy Spirit convicted me, I came to understand my sin and that I truly deserved the punishment I received.
I finally repented of my sin before God, and received His peace into my heart. I stopped questioning God and simply surrendered the whole situation into His loving arms.
To my surprise, a month later, instead giving me extra punishment, my chief simply advised me to do better. I also got promoted the very next month!!