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A Mother's Journey through Unforgiveness

I started to get frustrated and angry by just looking at her. But God revealed to me that this unforgiveness was an obstacle to my freedom.

Editor’s Note: Names have been changed for anonymity

A mother’s heartache.

I am a mother of two children and I love my family very much. In 2012, my daughter was diagnosed with scoliosis, which means that her spine is curved. She was only 12 years old but had to wear a brace to support her back. She also wore 4 layers of clothing with the brace for 20 hours a day. It caused her a lot of discomfort. I was heartbroken for her and was often stressed out because of her condition.

I struggled with my inner demons.

I also had low self-esteem. I constantly heard thoughts telling me that I am not good enough. I could not stop these thoughts from coming into my head. Sometimes it got bad enough that I was even suicidal. I could not control my emotions and often vented my anger at my family. I also thought about divorcing my husband because I felt like he did not understand me.

The miracle that led me to salvation.

When my sister saw me in such a depressed state, she invited me to a healing session at a church in 2015. I was very doubtful but I was also desperate. I would do anything to help my girl. So, I brought my girl to the church and people prayed for her. But I did not think much about it afterwards.

However, at my girl’s next medical review, the doctor told us that her spine would no longer get worse, and she didn’t need to wear the brace anymore. It was a miracle! God was working right in front of my eyes! I joyfully received Christ into my life as I could no longer deny His existence.

From being religious to being revived.

From then on, I knew that God was real and that He heals. The condemning voices and suicidal thoughts stopped, but I still did not know God personally. For 4 years, I attended church weekly but I was just going through the motions.

Things only changed in December 2018 when my friend invited my children for Christmas Bash at Impact Life church. Out of curiosity, I tagged along. I was immediately drawn by the warmth of the people here! I felt welcomed and loved.

I came back the following week and was convinced that this is the community that I wanted to be in. Seeing how people cared for one another showed me a whole new meaning of God’s love. Shortly after, I started attending Life Group.

I became hungry for God’s word. For the first time, I could feel His presence through worship, prayer, and even in conversations with my Life Group members. God was no longer just a concept anymore. My new community constantly encouraged and supported me whenever I faced challenges.

As I grew and learned more about the Bible, I realized that reality is more than what I can see with my physical eyes. I am fighting a spiritual war! But I knew I could not fight by myself and that I needed to be filled with the Holy Spirit. So, I prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill me, and I received the gift of tongues in February 2019. When I prayed in tongues, the Holy Spirit gave me strength, and I was able to control my anger so much better. Because of that, my relationship with my husband and my girl got much better. Thank God!

Robbed of my freedom.

However, just 4 months later, I realised I could no longer pray in tongues! I was confused and frustrated. I did not understand why this was happening.

It was only during our Lead Pastor Daniel Cheo’s “The Forgotten God” series when I realized that I had built up bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart. God revealed to me that this unforgiveness stopped me from having freedom.

The person I needed to forgive was my mother-in-law. She was staying with us because she is wheelchair bound, and I took care of her. But when my dad passed away, I insisted that my own mum also move in with us so that she won’t be alone. But one day, my mum came home late, and this caused my mother-in-law to be late to pick up my son. My mother-in-law vented her anger at my mum, and from that day, my mum moved out and stopped staying with us.

From that day on, my attitude towards my mother-in-law changed as anger and bitterness grew. I started to get frustrated and angry by just looking at her. While I still took care of her, I had already lost the relationship with her.

The road to restoration.

When Pastor Daniel invited us to come forward during altar call that week, I knew that the Holy Spirit was tugging at my heart. So, I responded and was honest with God about my unforgiveness. After 10 long years, I decided to cancel the debt and forgive her, just like how God had forgiven me. At that moment, I felt peace from God and I was able to pray in tongues once again! I felt so relieved!

From then on, the Holy Spirit led me to pray for my mother-in-law every morning. My relationship with her has been improving and we are now able to share freely about our thoughts. To me, that is a miracle in itself! I would never have believed that the relationship could be restored.

The miracle that spurred me to trust Him.

But that is not all. Some time in August last year, I suffered a sudden pain in my back and a pulling sensation on the right side of my face. My Life Group friends saw the changes on my face and immediately prayed for me. They wanted to send me to the hospital but I stopped them as I could feel that God was healing me.

The next day, I went to see a doctor and found out I had a mild stroke. The doctor sent me for a brain scan and during the scan, I kept praying for God to help me. My family and friends also prayed alongside with me. and guess what?! The results of the brain scan turned out clean! Our God is truly a God of miracles!

A family transformed.

God has also been working mightily in my family. Now, my children and I pray every night for the salvation of my husband, their grandparents and uncle who have yet to receive Christ.

God has softened my husband’s heart in so many ways. Previously, he was extremely devoted to the idols we had at home. But, with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I plucked up my courage and spoke to him about removing them. The very next day, he removed them! Now, we don’t have any idols at home except for one pot hanging outside our door.

Last December, he even paid for me to go for the Mission Trip to Cambodia! He was so excited about the trip and kept asking me for regular updates. I believe that one day, my whole family can be on a mission trip together.

In Him, I trust.

Life may not always be smooth sailing. But no matter what happens, I know that I am not alone. I am walking this journey with my Life Group and God will always be my guide and teacher.

God is just getting started with my family and I. From His track record, I know that He knows best, and I can trust Him fully. So can you.

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