Since young, my father was always a distant figure in my family and he doesn’t express his love openly towards us.
I remembered often being jealous of friends who were given gifts or being confessed by the opposite gender, as I craved for those attention.
In Junior College, I met a boy who gave me the attention I yearned for, so without hesitation I entered into a relationship with him. However, he became emotionally abusive and would constantly put me down. He also demanded that I cut off ties with my friends so I could dedicate my time towards him.
Despite my friends advised to break up, I chose to remain in this relationship.
At that time, I believed I was unworthy of love and no other guy would love me for who I am.
Eventually, our relationship came to an end but I still felt depressed and disappointed, as I had placed so much hope in it, thinking it would fulfill my desire to be loved.
Thankfully, at my lowest point in life, two classmates chose to reach out and supported me.
One of them told me I was ‘sick’ and needed God in my life. To be honest, I was offended when I first heard it, but as I dwell on those thoughts I realised it was true! I was ‘sick’ because I sought love in all the wrong places.
In 2015, I made the decision to received Christ.
However, the days that followed this decision were not easy. I faced a lot of opposition from my family and was discouraged that they were against me. Because of this, I stopped putting in effort to build my relationship with them, and this continued for several years.
Last year, God started revealing to me that I was building my identity on things apart from Him.
For example, I continued believing that a romantic relationship would make me whole. I felt the need to perform up to people's expectations so I’d be worthy of love. I thought of love as something that needs to be earned.
These distorted truths led me to making wrong decisions, which is evident in my previous relationship.
With the help of my community, I learnt to receive God's unconditional love and acceptance towards me. I found that the fear of what others thought about me could not cripple me anymore. As I discovered the truth of God's love for me, I could be myself freely without being afraid!
I can now see that when
God renovates our belief system that we can live life the way that He has intended.
God also taught me to be patient and understanding towards my family, and gradually their hearts became softer and were more accepting towards me.
He also started with me on a journey of forgiveness towards those who have hurt me. It was very painful to relive these experiences but I knew
I was in the hands of a Master Surgeon.
God was repairing my broken heart.
Pain tried to shape my life and landed me in wrong outcomes. But now, the Word of God has come in and transformed my entire belief system.
I am so thankful that God brought me through this process.
I can confidently say that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He lives inside of me and has made me whole.